The kids woke me up at a 7:00 am with a card and presents.  It was a funny card that said, “Thanks for always being there when we need you, Dad.”  Inside it said, “Can we borrow 50 bucks?”

The presents were a swim suit, some socks and underwear.  Just what I asked for.  My youngest was incredulous that anyone would ask for clothes instead of toys.

We were visiting my wife’s sister in Pennsylvania and my brother-in-law made some delicious pancakes for breakfast.  Then I spent a lazy Sunday watching my brother-in-law’s giant television, flipping between the protestors in Iran and Tiger at the US Open.

All was well. Then on the trip back home, we hit heavy traffic.  “I think I’m going to be sick,” said my youngest.  We stopped for gas and got some plastic bags for him to throw up in.  My headache got worse, we were driving into the setting sun, and I had forgotten my sunglasses.

Finally we got home.  It was time for dinner, but my oldest toasted a pop tart, I gave a couple of Ritz crackers to my youngest, and my wife got on the phone with the doctor.  I carried the suitcases upstairs.  Sighing, I made myself a peanut butter sandwich, and read a Raymond Chandler detective story, before going to bed.

Father’s Day, like every other day, comes with the good and the bad.  And being a father is not all pancakes and presents.

Joan and Jack, two venerable divorce lawyers, bumped into each other while having coffee in the café close to the courthouse.  They greeted each other effusively and sat down at a table together putting their legal files on empty chairs.

“I’ve got this tough case,” said Jack.  “My client is the mother and she wants the father to have no visitation at all.  The father will settle for nothing other than 50 percent of the time with the children.”

“So what are you going to do?” asked Joan.

“I’m going to tell the father that he has a career to worry about.  And he is going to want to have a social life.  There is no better baby sitter than the mother.  I’m going to try to talk him into less than 50 percent.”

“I’ve got another idea,” said Joan.

“What is it?”

“Tell the mother to let him have the children 50 percent of the time.  Lot’s of fathers idealize about custody of the children.  But once they try to juggle a career with the demands of little children, they find it is no easy task.  After a couple of weeks, he will be asking the mother to spend more time with the children.”

“Not bad,” said Jack, “For that salutary advice, I’ll buy you a doughnut.”

The mother removed her child from England, where the father lived, to her country of origin twice.  Both times the father sued under the Hague Convention and the mother returned with the child.  The father now has custody.

The mother wanted visitation under an interim order until a custody evaluation could be completed.  The father objected, concerned that the mother would abscond with the child again.

The English High Court, in Re A (A Minor), March 17, 2009, issued an order requiring that the mother wear an electronic ankle bracelet before being allowed to visit her child.

Read more at Jeremy Morley’s excellent International Family Law Blog.

David Rembert tried his divorce case against Angela Rembert and got joint legal custody of his two children.  But the judge also gave him primary physical custody and final decision making authority on all matters involving the children including the school they attend, membership in organizations, and other extracurricular activities.

Angela appealed contending that the order didn’t really grant joint legal custody because it gave David final decision making authority.

The Supreme Court of Georgia noted the joint custody statute provided that the judge may designate one parent to have sole power to make certain decisions.

Angela also complained that the decision to award primary physical custody to David was wrong because she was equally fit to be a parent.  The court noted that Angela had a romantic involvement with a married man prior to filing for divorce and said she intended to marry him after her divorce.  She also planned to be a full-time student.  She borrowed $43,000 from David to buy a car after the separation.  And she threatened the life of a neighbor.

David, on the other hand, intended to stay in the marital home, and was seeking a transfer from his job as a pilot to be a trainer with a more regular schedule.  The appeals court said this was ample support for the decision of the trial court and affirmed the decision.

Rembert v. Rembert, Case No. S08F1582, Georgia Supreme Court (Decided March 23, 2009)

Every morning is bedlam at our house with the parents telling the kids to brush their hair and teeth and make their beds.  Dr. Michele Borba suggests that positive reinforcement works faster and better for changing children’s behavior.  She recommends you catch them doing the right thing and praise them enthusiastically with specific words to teach them  what you want them to do.  She gives you the right words to use, “You should be so proud because….”

I’m proud of my son’s skill with mathematics and I’ve told him, “You’re so smart.”  Dr. Borba says that kids don’t feel like they have control over intelligence and so those words have a negative effect on them.  She suggests you focus on what your children are trying to accomplish instead of intelligence.  The example words are “I like how hard you are concentrating on your multiplication tables.”

I’m also guilty of praising the end product, like the trophy, grade or score.  Instead she says you should praise the child’s effort.  That is something the child can control and so he or she will be more likely persist and succeed.

Dad-O-Matic, a new website by Chris Brogan with other contributors, is about parenting ideas from dads.  It contains articles about being a father and a father’s toolbox where you can submit helpful sites, gadgets, tips, comments and the like.

Today’s article by Brogan is about reentry into your family’s life after a business trip.

He advises that you put down the cellphone and reconnect on a big level.  Take them out to dinner.  Reconnect deep and give them what they want, not what you want.  He also suggests you look for the good things instead of complaining about the little things.

Katrina Daniels Lee had some good advice on her radio show last night for parents who are prevented from seeing their children by a hostile parent or by the court.  She told them to set up a Facebook site and post their positive feelings for their children on it.  She said that children are so  computer savy these days they will find it sooner or later.  In her interview with me, she also told her listeners to reach out for support, help each other and never give up hope for reunification with their children.

Barack Obama has shown us not only that a black American can grow up to be President, but a child of divorce can also grow up to be President.   Obama may have learned some qualities from his childhood that can help him as President.

Jill Brooke, First Wives World Editor, has written an article for The Huffington Post noting that “Most divorces require negotiation, compromise and agreeing to disagree. You learn the importance of being reserved and reflective vs. being rash. And why perhaps he likes being No Drama Obama.”

She quotes Don Gordon, an Ohio University Professor, Don Gordon, who says that Obama has likely learned the quality of resilience from being a child of divorce.  “Being president is a piece of cake compared to going through a divorce,” he said.  “This resilience serves well in dealing with lengthy stressful situations.  They can tough it out no matter how bad it gets.”

Pasqualino Cornelio of Toronto, Canada, married Anciolina Cornelio and they had twins.  They separated in 1998 and Pasqualino began making child support payments.

Recently, Anciolina sought to reduce his time with the twins and increase his child support.  Pasqualino retaliated by have a DNA test.  Guess what.  He was not the biological father of the twins.

Pasqualino claimed he was the victim of misrepresentation and fraud.  He demanded termination of child support and reimbursement of the tens of thousands of dollars he has paid over the years.

But there was no other father to step in and take his place.  “Ms. Cornelio denies knowledge of who the twins’ biological father might be,” the Judge said. “In fact, she claims to have no memory of an extramarital affair preceding their birth, which she attributes to the medication she was taking at the time.”

So, the court decided that because Pasqualino “was the only father the twins knew during the course of the marriage,” he could neither stop paying child support nor recover past child support.

“While the failure of Ms. Cornelio to disclose to her husband the fact that she had an extramarital affair and that the twins might not be his biological children may well have been a moral wrong against Mr. Cornelio, it is a wrong that does not afford him a legal remedy to recover child support he has already paid, and that does not permit him to stop paying child support,” wrote Judge Katherine van Rensburg on Dec. 22, 2008.

Source:  National Post

People do desperate things in custody battles.  From Nebraska comes word of a mother hiding a recorder in her two year old’s teddy bear to tape the father during visitation.  William Lewton is suing Dianna Divingnzzo in U.S. District Court in Omaha for invasion of privacy and violation of state and federal wiretapping laws.