Every morning is bedlam at our house with the parents telling the kids to brush their hair and teeth and make their beds.  Dr. Michele Borba suggests that positive reinforcement works faster and better for changing children’s behavior.  She recommends you catch them doing the right thing and praise them enthusiastically with specific words to teach them  what you want them to do.  She gives you the right words to use, “You should be so proud because….”

I’m proud of my son’s skill with mathematics and I’ve told him, “You’re so smart.”  Dr. Borba says that kids don’t feel like they have control over intelligence and so those words have a negative effect on them.  She suggests you focus on what your children are trying to accomplish instead of intelligence.  The example words are “I like how hard you are concentrating on your multiplication tables.”

I’m also guilty of praising the end product, like the trophy, grade or score.  Instead she says you should praise the child’s effort.  That is something the child can control and so he or she will be more likely persist and succeed.