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Thyden Gross and Callahan LLPCounselors and Attorneys at Law

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FATHERS’ RIGHTS
NOT JUST EVERY OTHER WEEKEND

This is about fathers' rights law, and protecting the best interests of your children. It provides information, news and comments on laws, cases and strategies for life as a single father and winning your custody, access or child support case.

Archive for June, 2010

The Kind Father

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Robin Rivers has posted an interview on OurBigEarth.com with Calvin Sandborn, lawyer and author of The Kind Father.

Sandborn says that we learn to talk to ourselves in our heads with the same voice that we learned from our father.  In trying to teach children to be successful and assert control or power over others, the traditional father addresses his son from a height and treats him harshly.  (“Show him you’re boss!” “Suck it up!” “Don’t be a wuss!”)

The son uses the same voice that his father did when talking to himself.  As a result, the son’s inner life becomes a harsh place.  He tortures himself with cruel self-talk, has contempt for himself and then transfers that contempt to those around him.

The answer, says Sandborn, is to begin to treat yourself compassionately.  Banish the Harsh Father in your self-talk.  Speak daily to yourself with kind and encouraging words.  If you can do this, then you can become your own Kind Father and have more compassionate relationships with your children and others around you.

Another Post Divorce Father’s Day

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Christopher Perry, at CNN.com writes about his painful conversation five years ago with his five and seven year old sons that he and mom were not going to live together any more.  The seven year old tells him “It’s going to be ok.”  The divorce, however, was less than cordial.

Perry tells of the tears, frustrations, laughter, joys, happiness and awe with his children as each Father’s Day ticks off the years.  At the third year, the youngest asks him when he is moving back.

Now after five years, he realizes that it really is going to be ok.

My Most Important Client

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

My most important client is not the diplomat who called from overseas for wire instructions so he could send me his retainer for a post divorce dispute.

My most important client is not the stock broker who made a million dollars last year and is looking at life time alimony and his soon to be ex-wife’s mounting legal fees that he may have to pay.

My most important client is not the wealthy businesswoman who brings her daughter to my office for a parenting plan and separation agreement.

Last night, my seven year old son looked up at me and said, “Dad, can you come to my school play tomorrow?”  I set all those urgent cases aside this morning and spent three otherwise billable hours waiting for my son to say his three lines.  Because he is my most important client.

 
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