by Jill H. Breslau

Typical timesharing schedules, like 50/50, or 5-2-2-5, or 4-3, or weekdays and weekends do not take into account the needs of children are different at various ages and stages of development.  Frequently, the approach to visitation is to consider the schedules and convenience of the parents first, figure out a logical access schedule, and then see if the children can adjust to it.

But a baby doesn’t need the same kind of access schedule that a 12 year old does.  Their basic needs and developmental tasks are different.  The baby’s “task” is to learn to bond, because all future emotional relationships depend on early bonding.  The baby needs continuity and frequency of contact, because for a baby, when someone goes away for weeks at a time, it is as if they died.

A 12 year old on the other hand, needs time with parents that takes into account his or her need to develop peer relationships and extracurricular activities.  And any children with issues like ADHD or special needs may have unique requirements that parents should consider when setting up schedules.

It is not easy to look at life through your child’s eyes. But a good parenting plan and child access schedule does just that.  You are a parent for the long haul; your children grow and change, and so should your schedule.  The way to begin to establish a schedule is by understanding the needs of each child.

“I have found that the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” – Harry S. Truman

Darryl Payne of New Jersey was married with three adult children and living with his wife when he began dating Emma Walden.  Darryl and Emma had a daughter together.  When they split up, Emma  got custody of the daughter and Darryl got visitation on Saturdays.

During visitation, the daughter would spend some time with Darryl, his wife, her half siblings and some time with Darryl’s new girlfriend and the new girlfriend’s son.  Emma was opposed to her daughter being exposed to such behavior and asked the court to require supervised visitation.

The trial judge threw the case out with a brief decision, “Your application to modify visitation and [for] supervised visitation is denied.  Thank you very much. Have a pleasant holiday.”

While the Appellate Court said the trial judge should have explained his decision better, Emma had brought this objection up in previous hearings and had not shown a change in circumstances had occurred that would justify changing visitation to supervised.

Read more at New Jersey Family Law.

Highway 20 Ride

by the Zac Brown Band

I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
The day would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
So much things I haven’t told you
Your mom and me couldn’t get along
So I’ll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why, that I slowly die inside.

Tax breaks available to taxpayers with children are:

1.  dependency exemption,
2.  head of household filing status,
3.  child tax credit,
4.  child and dependent care credit, and
5.  earned income tax credit.

But each of these used to have a different requirement for when a child qualified for favorable tax treatment.  Now the IRS has created a uniform definition of a qualifying child.  This was done to streamline the tax rules related to children and make the regulations more consistent.  There are still a few variations left.  For more information.

A judge for the highest court in Brazil today ordered that 9 year old Sean Goldman be turned over to his father , David Goldman of Tinton Falls, New Jersey, by 9:00 am tomorrow.

Sean’s step father and maternal grandmother in Brazil said they “will not pursue any more legal channels” and will obey the order.

The Brazilian family will obey the order and “will not pursue any more legal channels,” an aide to a lawyer told the Associated Press.  Another appeal would have meant delays until February at least.  If all goes smoothly tomorrow, David will return with Sean to the US after a five year custody battle for his son.

Read More.

David Goldman flew to Brazil for the fifteenth time today to pick up his son after the Brazilian Courts ordered that Sean Goldman be handed over to he U.S. consulate in Rio de Janeiro.

But the boy’s stepfather filed a writ of habeas corpus in the Supreme Court of Brazil which was granted.  The order prevents Sean from leaving Brazil until a hearing can be held for him to express his own wishes.

According to this report, the hearing may not be held until February.

Yesterday, a Brazilian appeals court ordered the return of 9 year old Sean Goldman to his father, David Goldman of Tinton Falls, New Jersey, at the U.S. Consulate in Rio de Janeiro within 48 hours.

Buran Bianchi, Goldman’s wife, took Sean to her native Brazil in 2004 for a vacation and never returned.  She divorced Goldman and then remarried.  Goldman started legal proceedings for the return of his son when she unexpectedly died.  Sean has lived with his stepfather since then, Joao Paulo Lins e Silva, who has battled Goldman for custody for over five years.

Goldman and his lawyers are bracing for another appeal.  President Obama, Congress and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton have all urged return of the child to Goldman.

More here.

We tell our children to use their indoor voice.  But sometimes we use our outdoor voice and yell at them when they are misbehaving or not doing what we want them to do or whining about something they want to do.   This makes them yell back.  They feel badly.  We feel badly.   It may correct their behavior for a short time out of fear or sadness, but it may also well up inside them and cause them to act out later.

Erin Kurt, teacher and nanny, says in this article at Lifehack.Org,  the reason we yell is that we were yelled at as children.  She says this is the wrong parenting choice.

We should all stop yelling at our children and instead, train ourselves to take a deep breath and then state the behavior they want from their child in a matter-of-fact, assertive tone of voice.  She recommends the “time out” approach if they continue to misbehave.  This is a more effective approach to parenting than yelling.  I know this would make life quieter and more tranquil at my house.

Lisa Belkin of the New York Times Magazine writes that more fathers are getting custody in divorces.

“There are now 2.2 million divorced women in the United States who do not have primary physical custody of their children,” she says, “and an estimated 50 percent of fathers who seek such custody in a disputed divorce are granted it.”

She attributes some of this to the recession.  More men are being laid off than women, and for the first time in history, women are about to outnumber men in the American workforce.

She predicts that the percentage of fathers with primary custody will likely increase, as social views about parenting continue to change.