“Three things that make a man; he must build a house, have a child, write a book.” — Martin Tupper

Deposition of Husband:

Q: And what did your wife contribute to the marriage?

A: Nothing.  I supported her and the children throughout the marriage.  And all their friends and pets and a maid, a handyman and a gardener.  I was the only one that worked.  I made all the money.  She didn’t contribute a dime.  All she did was spend it.

Deposition of Wife:

Q: And what did your husband contribute to the marriage?

A: Not a thing.  I took care of the kids, bandaged their boo-boos, dried their tears, helped them with their homework, made dinner for everyone, took them to soccer, arranged all the doctor visits and went to all the parent teacher meetings.  My husband just worked all the time and contributed nothing to the marriage.

by Jill H. Breslau

A few years ago, I heard the heart-wrenching story of a woman–I’ll call her “Julie”–whose same sex partner adopted a little girl from China.  Both women actively participated in the life of this child; both of them considered her their daughter.  But Julie didn’t think to seek formal adoption.

When the two women separated, Julie’s partner refused to allow her to see their daughter, and the court had no jurisdiction to compel visitation.  In fact, the custody issues in the case were heard in Juvenile Court rather than Family Court.  Because of the animosity between the couple, this little girl lost contact with a loving parent.

The acknowledgment of same sex marriage may avoid the sad situation that happened to “Julie.”  In general, a child born or adopted during a marriage is considered to be a child of both parents.  Thus, Julie and her partner’s little girl would be entitled to have contact with both of them, and to be supported by both of them, if their marriage failed.

It appears that change is coming.  But while the law is in flux, it is a good idea for same sex couples to be vigilant and to consider the consequences of a decision to marry . . . to relocate . . . and to have children.  While many issues can be resolved by agreement (before and after the marriage), some issues remain within the province of the law.  Obtaining a legal resolution can be financially challenging and personally disheartening.  Nobody wants to anticipate divorce; people tend to learn about it on as “as needed” basis.  But, especially in an area of the law that is uncertain, it is wise to plan for any eventuality.

Where did the summer go?  School is starting in a couple of weeks.

Art Therapist Elissa Bowes has some great tips at HigherArtNJ.com about how to help your child get ready for the big first day.

For example, if your summer schedule is more relaxed than the school year schedule, start early adjusting to the bed times and wake up times for school.  Since I take the kids to the bus stop, I guess I better start getting up earlier too.

HE DIDN’T HAVE TO BE
by
Brad Paisley

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be.

A comment on yesterday’s post sent me to a nicely designed blog called Women for Fathers Rights.  It is for a “wife, sister, mother, friend or any other woman looking to help a man in your life with his child custody and fathers’ rights issues.”

The blog plans to cover custody arrangements, tips and techniques to assist your man with his battle in the courtroom, and even common questions and answers that arise from being the woman in their lives battling for their rights to be a dad.

Here’s a quote from the blog: “A child with their father in their lives is the best possible outcome of any divorce.”

If you can’t obtain contact with your kids, I have suggested setting up a Facebook page and posting to it in hopes they will someday find it.

A father who goes by the name of Daddy Nmn sent me an email calling my attention to a website called “3 Sides to Every Story” where anyone, dads, moms, grandparents and others, can post letters to their missed loved ones.

The site is nicely done and categorized by state and type of letter writer.  The letters are heart-felt, honest and poignant.

One of the reviews on a Battlestar Galactica CD at Amazon.com is from a woman who says it ruined her marriage.

Her husband became obsessed with the television show, then went onto websites, Twitter, Skype, listening to podcasts, texting and chatting about the show.  Finally he went to a Battlestar Galactica convention in Texas and now lives with a woman he met on the website.  She says he forgot all about his wife, children, family, home and job.

They are now involved in a bitter divorce.  This can’t be good for his custody and visitation case.

LeBron James said last night that he asked his mother, Gloria James, for advice while he was making up his mind to play basketball for the Miami Heat.

In the meantime, Leicester Bryce Stovell, 55, was filing suit in the U.S. District Court in D.C., claiming that he is LeBron’s father.  Stovell is a lawyer in private practice, formerly with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

The 22 page, 95 paragraph complaint alleges Stovell met Gloria in a Washington bar in 1984 and goes through the history of their relationship.  Stovel is suing both LeBron and Gloria for $4 million for fraud, defamation, misrepresentation, breach of oral contract and tortious interference with contract.

My most important client is not the diplomat who called from overseas for wire instructions so he could send me his retainer for a post divorce dispute.

My most important client is not the stock broker who made a million dollars last year and is looking at life time alimony and his soon to be ex-wife’s mounting legal fees that he may have to pay.

My most important client is not the wealthy businesswoman who brings her daughter to my office for a parenting plan and separation agreement.

Last night, my seven year old son looked up at me and said, “Dad, can you come to my school play tomorrow?”  I set all those urgent cases aside this morning and spent three otherwise billable hours waiting for my son to say his three lines.  Because he is my most important client.