Postings on Facebook are turning up as Exhibit 1 in more and more custody battles.  Although custody is supposed to be about best interests of the children, parties in conflict are more often than not inclined to try to show the other is a bad parent.

If you post your thoughts on Facebook, you may be giving the other side a roadmap for your case.  Do you want your spouse and his or her counsel to know what you are thinking and what your strategy is?

If you make angry statements about your spouse, you may be stepping in wet concrete.  The other side can use these statements in court to attack your credibility if you say something different.  Or to show the judge what kind of person you are if the statements are unreasonable.

The solution is to keep this in mind.  The first thing your spouse’s attorney will do after signing the retainer, is print out all your Facebook posts to use against you at trial.

Darryl Payne of New Jersey was married with three adult children and living with his wife when he began dating Emma Walden.  Darryl and Emma had a daughter together.  When they split up, Emma  got custody of the daughter and Darryl got visitation on Saturdays.

During visitation, the daughter would spend some time with Darryl, his wife, her half siblings and some time with Darryl’s new girlfriend and the new girlfriend’s son.  Emma was opposed to her daughter being exposed to such behavior and asked the court to require supervised visitation.

The trial judge threw the case out with a brief decision, “Your application to modify visitation and [for] supervised visitation is denied.  Thank you very much. Have a pleasant holiday.”

While the Appellate Court said the trial judge should have explained his decision better, Emma had brought this objection up in previous hearings and had not shown a change in circumstances had occurred that would justify changing visitation to supervised.

Read more at New Jersey Family Law.

Highway 20 Ride

by the Zac Brown Band

I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
The day would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
So much things I haven’t told you
Your mom and me couldn’t get along
So I’ll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why, that I slowly die inside.

A judge for the highest court in Brazil today ordered that 9 year old Sean Goldman be turned over to his father , David Goldman of Tinton Falls, New Jersey, by 9:00 am tomorrow.

Sean’s step father and maternal grandmother in Brazil said they “will not pursue any more legal channels” and will obey the order.

The Brazilian family will obey the order and “will not pursue any more legal channels,” an aide to a lawyer told the Associated Press.  Another appeal would have meant delays until February at least.  If all goes smoothly tomorrow, David will return with Sean to the US after a five year custody battle for his son.

Read More.

David Goldman flew to Brazil for the fifteenth time today to pick up his son after the Brazilian Courts ordered that Sean Goldman be handed over to he U.S. consulate in Rio de Janeiro.

But the boy’s stepfather filed a writ of habeas corpus in the Supreme Court of Brazil which was granted.  The order prevents Sean from leaving Brazil until a hearing can be held for him to express his own wishes.

According to this report, the hearing may not be held until February.

Yesterday, a Brazilian appeals court ordered the return of 9 year old Sean Goldman to his father, David Goldman of Tinton Falls, New Jersey, at the U.S. Consulate in Rio de Janeiro within 48 hours.

Buran Bianchi, Goldman’s wife, took Sean to her native Brazil in 2004 for a vacation and never returned.  She divorced Goldman and then remarried.  Goldman started legal proceedings for the return of his son when she unexpectedly died.  Sean has lived with his stepfather since then, Joao Paulo Lins e Silva, who has battled Goldman for custody for over five years.

Goldman and his lawyers are bracing for another appeal.  President Obama, Congress and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton have all urged return of the child to Goldman.

More here.

Lisa Belkin of the New York Times Magazine writes that more fathers are getting custody in divorces.

“There are now 2.2 million divorced women in the United States who do not have primary physical custody of their children,” she says, “and an estimated 50 percent of fathers who seek such custody in a disputed divorce are granted it.”

She attributes some of this to the recession.  More men are being laid off than women, and for the first time in history, women are about to outnumber men in the American workforce.

She predicts that the percentage of fathers with primary custody will likely increase, as social views about parenting continue to change.

Mishcon de Reya, a law firm in London, England, has completed a study in which 2000 parents and 2000 children involved in divorce were interviewed.  According to the London Times, the findings were:

• one in three children permanently loses touch with a parent, usually the father, after the divorce.
• one in five parents said that their primary objective during separation was to make the experience as unpleasant as possible for their former spouse.
• one in five of the children said that they felt used by their parents.
• One in three of the children said they felt isolated and lonely.
• Half of parents said that they had been to court to fight over residential custody arrangements despite knowing it made matters worse for their children.

“The adversarial, blame-focused system is polarising parents and prevents them thinking forward about the long-term interests of their children,” says Sandra Davis, head of the family division at the law firm.  “As a result the courts are drowning, trying to sort out what are fundamentally behavioural and family issues, with lawyers being drawn into disputes over what time a child is picked up from school.”

Parents are rightly concerned about vaccinations for their children to prevent the swine flu (H1N1) or the seasonal flu.  These are medical decisions.  If you have joint legal custody with a co-parent, then vaccination ought to be agreed upon by both parents.

“Legal custody” carries with it the right and obligation to make long range decisions involving education, religious training, discipline, medical care, and other matters of major significance concerning the child’s life and welfare. “Joint legal custody” means that both parents have an equal voice in making those decisions, and neither parent’s rights are superior to the other. In any child custody case, the paramount concern is the best interest of the child.  Taylor v. Taylor, 306 Md. 290, 508 A.2d 964. (1986).

If you disagree, you may want to speak together with your pediatrician or a mediator, and try to come to an agreement together.  Thanks to Kysa Crusco for bring this up on her blog.  Here is the latest flu news in Maryland.

Does your ex alienate the children from you when they are with her?  Here’s an example of a provision that should be in your Parenting Plan to prevent that.

“Each parent (and any subsequent spouse) will refrain from exercising undue influence over the child with regard to the other parent, criticizing the other parent in the presence of the child, inducing the child to challenge the authority of the other parent, or encouraging the child to request a change of custody or to resist visitation. Neither parent will interrogate the child about the other parent.”