Someone asked today for the Maryland case that prevents a parent from relocating to another state with the minor children before a custody order is entered.

Surprise!  In Maryland, there is no case and no law against it.  Some lawyers and some judges will disapprove of this tactic, especially in the middle of a school year, but it is not illegal.

Until there is a custody order, both parties have joint legal and physical custody of their children under the common law.  That means either parent can take them anywhere.

It is then up to the parent left behind to go to court and try to get an order for their return.

Two of my friends called for some advice this week.  One is a father who is separated from the mother.  That have a little girl.  The mother has remarried and her new husband and my friend are in constant conflict over the child.  So far they have had disputes over visitation, clothing, discipline, medical treatment and sports. As might be suspected, the mother sides with the new husband in these disputes.  I have suggested settlement, mediation and a parenting coordinator but the mother has rebuffed all of these suggestions.

My other friend is a stepfather.  He married a woman who has a little boy from a previous marriage.  The birth father sees the little boy from time to time but he lives far away and my friend really has the day to day parenting role.  He and the boy have become quite fond of each other.  My friend would adopt the boy if the father would agree.  He has all the obligations of fatherhood but none of the rights of a father.

There are two sides to every issue.  It would be great if fathers and stepfathers could work together cooperatively for the benefit of the child.  But in many cases, there is too much emotion involved to make that possible.

In the child custody fight between football start Deion Sanders and his wife Pilar, a Texas jury has awarded full custody of their two sons, ages 11 and 13, to Deion and shared custody of their daughter, age 9.

Sometimes celebrities can teach us what not to do.  TMZ reports that an Atlanta family court judge has awarded Tawanna Iverson custody of her five children with NBA basketball star Allen Iverson.

The judge found that Allen “does not know how to manage the children; has little interest in learning to manage the children and has actually, at times, been a hindrance to their spiritual and emotional growth and development.  For example, he has refused to attend to an obvious and serious alcohol problem, which has caused him to do inappropriate things in the presence of the children while impaired.  He has left the children alone without supervision. He has left his young daughters in a hotel room with men who are unknown to the mother.”

The judge gave Allen visitation on the conditions that he:

• not drink alcohol for 18 months
• after that, not drink alcohol within 24 hours of visitation
• engage in mental health therapy
• attend AA meetings for a year

I’ll Keep the Kids

by Montgomery Gentry

You don’t have to holler,
And we don’t have to fight.
We can settle all this, right here
Right now, tonight

No need to call no lawyer
You don’t have to pack no bags
It’s obvious, all you want is
Half more than your half

I see here on this paper
You wrote what you want down
Want me to sign over
What was ours is all yours now

Take the house that my sweat built ya’
Here’s the keys to both the cars
I’ll give you up the title to my ole Harley in the barn

Take all our family pictures
And our records off the wall
And any other sign of livin’ proof
That I lived here at all

Can’t help but not see a couple little things
Not there on your list
So if you don’t care
I’ll keep the kids

Look at dads old Gibson,
I see you wrote that down
Girl, that’s below the belt
But it’s all yours now
There’s Grandmas diamond ring
She wore it fifty some odd years
She’ll probably roll over in her grave,
But, I’ll leave it here
I’m outta here

Take the bass boat and that tractor,
All my guns and Earnhardt hat.
Every nickel we had tucked away
And twenty years I can’t get back
Take the shirt right off my shoulders
Hope it fits ole what’s his name
Take everything you think your world revolves around everyday

Can’t help but not see a couple little things
Not there on your list
So if you don’t care
I’ll keep the kids

Can’t help but not see a couple little things
Not there on your list
So if you don’t care
I’ll keep the kids

Couple little things you won’t miss…

Danny Carr, Counselor and Attorney at Law, punched the button on his phone this morning to listen to messages left last night on his voice-mail.

“I need to hire you for a custody case.  This is Ken Woodard. Call me at 301-555-5555.”

Carr hit redial, and when someone answered, he said,  “Mr. Woodard, this is Danny Carr, returning your call.”

“I was forced to give up custody and visitation by my wife’s attorney by duress,” said Woodard.

“Did he hold a gun to your head? “

“No, but he told me I would lose if I didn’t agree.”

“That’s not duress.”

“OK, well then I found out I still have to pay child support.”

“Right.  Parents are obligated to support their children.”

“But if I don’t have custody or visitation, haven’t my parental rights been terminated?”

“No.  You are still the children’s father.”

“My wife accused me of neglecting and abusing the kids.  Can I file a petition to terminate my parental rights on the basis of her saying I’m an unfit parent?”

“No.  You can’t file a complaint against yourself to terminate your own parental rights.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“I have to go now, Mr. Woodard.  Good luck with your case.”

In a child custody battle in Kentucky, Bill Verst is seeking custody of his six year old daughter, Madisyn “Maddy” Verst, from her mother Lindsay Jackson.

He says he should have primary custody because the mother dressed in inappropriate outfits, namely a Dolly Parton outfit and a police officer outfit, for an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.  Maddy was on the cover of People Magazine with the headline, “Gone Too Far?”.

The court-appointed psychologist agrees recommends residential custody with the father as a result of the child’s participation in beauty pageants.  The next hearing is August 31.

The mother told reporters, “If Maddy needs to live with her dad because she does pageants with me, then that opens the door for any parent to challenge anybody on activity that a kid does, period.”

“We could really open up Pandora’s Box to set a precedent all over the world. What if years ago Gabby Douglas’ father said, ‘She’s not going to be a gymnast. She’s not going to move away from home and practice gymnastics because I won’t allow it,’ and he and Gabby’s mother got into a fight? We wouldn’t have gold medal winners, we wouldn’t have Miss America, we wouldn’t have Miss USA,” Jackson said.

Children are the highest stakes in a custody battle.  People fighting over the children will frequently engage in hostile, angry and vengeful behavior against each other.  Emotion overwhelms judgment.

When I mediate child custody cases, I ask each party to bring pictures of their children to the mediation session.  Then we tape them to the wall or prop them up against some books in the middle of the conference table.

Whenever a party veers off on a tangent or a rant about something, I let them calm down, then I point to the pictures and say, “Remember why we’re here.  It’s all about your children.  Let’s figure out what’s best for them.”

This usually focuses everyone’s attention back on solving problems rather than fighting about them.

University of Missouri Professor Marilyn Coleman and Dr. Mindy Markham interviewed 20 women who shared physical custody of children with ex-partners.  Half of the women reported amicable relationships with their ex’s.  The other half reported combative relationships in the beginning that improved over time.

“To me, it’s almost as if the parents in the bad-to-better relationships matured,” Coleman said. “Mostly, it’s because the parents began focusing on their children. The parents saw how upset their arguments made their kids, so they decided to put their differences aside and focus on what was best for the children.”

“The goal for divorced parents should be to maintain the best co-parenting relationships possible by moving past prior relationship issues and focusing on children’s well-being,” Coleman said.

Although the sample was small, the result reflects my own experience as a divorce lawyer.  Once the stress and fighting between spouses is resolved by agreement or trial, the parties can then calm down and focus on their children.

Read more.

In England, a family judge found that a mother would be unable to cope with the father seeing their two daughters, ages nine and six after she broke down in court and said the thought of it made her feel exhausted.  A psychologist supported her view but the court appointed child advocate disagreed.  The judge banned the father from having any direct contact with his children, except for cards, letters and gifts once a month.

The father’s lawyers appealed the judge’s decision, saying it had been based on a momentary display of emotion from the mother in the witness box.

The Court overturned the family judge’s order, acknowledging that it was “a very big ask” for the mother to accept that her children’s best interests lay in having two parents, not just one.  “Where, however, it is plainly in the best interests of a child to spend time with the other parent then, tough or not, part of the responsibility of the parent with care must be the duty and responsibility to deliver what the child needs, hard though that may be.”

The court urged all separated parents to see the bigger picture and consider the harm that legal disputes cause children.  It said mothers and fathers had a responsibility and a duty to help children maintain contact with the other parent.

Source: Article by Tim Ross, Political Correspondent, The Telegraph