Deposition of Husband:

Q: And what did your wife contribute to the marriage?

A: Nothing.  I supported her and the children throughout the marriage.  And all their friends and pets and a maid, a handyman and a gardener.  I was the only one that worked.  I made all the money.  She didn’t contribute a dime.  All she did was spend it.

Deposition of Wife:

Q: And what did your husband contribute to the marriage?

A: Not a thing.  I took care of the kids, bandaged their boo-boos, dried their tears, helped them with their homework, made dinner for everyone, took them to soccer, arranged all the doctor visits and went to all the parent teacher meetings.  My husband just worked all the time and contributed nothing to the marriage.

by Jill H. Breslau

A few years ago, I heard the heart-wrenching story of a woman–I’ll call her “Julie”–whose same sex partner adopted a little girl from China.  Both women actively participated in the life of this child; both of them considered her their daughter.  But Julie didn’t think to seek formal adoption.

When the two women separated, Julie’s partner refused to allow her to see their daughter, and the court had no jurisdiction to compel visitation.  In fact, the custody issues in the case were heard in Juvenile Court rather than Family Court.  Because of the animosity between the couple, this little girl lost contact with a loving parent.

The acknowledgment of same sex marriage may avoid the sad situation that happened to “Julie.”  In general, a child born or adopted during a marriage is considered to be a child of both parents.  Thus, Julie and her partner’s little girl would be entitled to have contact with both of them, and to be supported by both of them, if their marriage failed.

It appears that change is coming.  But while the law is in flux, it is a good idea for same sex couples to be vigilant and to consider the consequences of a decision to marry . . . to relocate . . . and to have children.  While many issues can be resolved by agreement (before and after the marriage), some issues remain within the province of the law.  Obtaining a legal resolution can be financially challenging and personally disheartening.  Nobody wants to anticipate divorce; people tend to learn about it on as “as needed” basis.  But, especially in an area of the law that is uncertain, it is wise to plan for any eventuality.

A comment on yesterday’s post sent me to a nicely designed blog called Women for Fathers Rights.  It is for a “wife, sister, mother, friend or any other woman looking to help a man in your life with his child custody and fathers’ rights issues.”

The blog plans to cover custody arrangements, tips and techniques to assist your man with his battle in the courtroom, and even common questions and answers that arise from being the woman in their lives battling for their rights to be a dad.

Here’s a quote from the blog: “A child with their father in their lives is the best possible outcome of any divorce.”

One of the reviews on a Battlestar Galactica CD at Amazon.com is from a woman who says it ruined her marriage.

Her husband became obsessed with the television show, then went onto websites, Twitter, Skype, listening to podcasts, texting and chatting about the show.  Finally he went to a Battlestar Galactica convention in Texas and now lives with a woman he met on the website.  She says he forgot all about his wife, children, family, home and job.

They are now involved in a bitter divorce.  This can’t be good for his custody and visitation case.

The court has ruled that Joseph Reyes will be allowed to take his 3-year-old daughter, Ela, to church according to the Chicago Sun-Times.  Rebecca Reyes, who has full custody of the child in their divorce proceedings, said the father was breaching an agreement they made that Ela would be raised in the Jewish faith.

The court also ruled that the father would have Christmas and Easter holidays with the child and the mother would have the Jewish holidays.

But Reyes still faces contempt sanctions for taking his daughter to church in violation of a previous court order.

Jon Gosselin has filed a Complaint in Custody and for Child Support against Kate Gosselin.  Jon has said that Kate is spending too much time on Dancing with the Stars and that she is neglecting the kids.  The Complaint doesn’t mention that but says she is abusing the discretion she was given by the arbitrator to set the times when Jon can be with the children.  Jon is asking that custody of the children be changed to him and that the court review the child support awarded by the arbitrator.

Postings on Facebook are turning up as Exhibit 1 in more and more custody battles.  Although custody is supposed to be about best interests of the children, parties in conflict are more often than not inclined to try to show the other is a bad parent.

If you post your thoughts on Facebook, you may be giving the other side a roadmap for your case.  Do you want your spouse and his or her counsel to know what you are thinking and what your strategy is?

If you make angry statements about your spouse, you may be stepping in wet concrete.  The other side can use these statements in court to attack your credibility if you say something different.  Or to show the judge what kind of person you are if the statements are unreasonable.

The solution is to keep this in mind.  The first thing your spouse’s attorney will do after signing the retainer, is print out all your Facebook posts to use against you at trial.

Darryl Payne of New Jersey was married with three adult children and living with his wife when he began dating Emma Walden.  Darryl and Emma had a daughter together.  When they split up, Emma  got custody of the daughter and Darryl got visitation on Saturdays.

During visitation, the daughter would spend some time with Darryl, his wife, her half siblings and some time with Darryl’s new girlfriend and the new girlfriend’s son.  Emma was opposed to her daughter being exposed to such behavior and asked the court to require supervised visitation.

The trial judge threw the case out with a brief decision, “Your application to modify visitation and [for] supervised visitation is denied.  Thank you very much. Have a pleasant holiday.”

While the Appellate Court said the trial judge should have explained his decision better, Emma had brought this objection up in previous hearings and had not shown a change in circumstances had occurred that would justify changing visitation to supervised.

Read more at New Jersey Family Law.

Highway 20 Ride

by the Zac Brown Band

I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way
The day would not be wasted on this drive
And I want so bad to hold you
So much things I haven’t told you
Your mom and me couldn’t get along
So I’ll drive
And I think about my life
And wonder why, that I slowly die inside.

A judge for the highest court in Brazil today ordered that 9 year old Sean Goldman be turned over to his father , David Goldman of Tinton Falls, New Jersey, by 9:00 am tomorrow.

Sean’s step father and maternal grandmother in Brazil said they “will not pursue any more legal channels” and will obey the order.

The Brazilian family will obey the order and “will not pursue any more legal channels,” an aide to a lawyer told the Associated Press.  Another appeal would have meant delays until February at least.  If all goes smoothly tomorrow, David will return with Sean to the US after a five year custody battle for his son.

Read More.