I might have stumbled upon a system that works.  Ten minutes before we leave, I call an “Inspection”.  The boys stand in formation at attention.  I go through the checklist: Teeth brushed?  Check.  Hair combed?  Check.  Book bags packed?  Check.  And so on.

The penalty for missing something is 5 pushups.  Get down and count them out, mister.

They can also get pushup credits for doing something extra.  The first day one of the boys made his bed.  The next day they were fighting over who was going to make the beds.  One of them gave his brother five of his pushup credits.  So I gave him five more for being so generous.

This is working out well so far.  Both boys completed inspection perfectly this morning.  We’ll see how long it lasts.  Let me know in the comments if you try it and what success you have.

In 2008, Dorene filed an action to obtain sole custody of the children.  She lost and the court amended her visitation to provide that she “shall not have any overnight male guests while the minor children are present.”

Dorene appealed contending that this provision was overbroad, because on its face it prohibits her from having her father, a brother, a new spouse, or even the children’s father spend the night at her house while the minor children are present.

The appeals court agreed.  It said a trial court has discretion to place restrictions on custodial parents’ behavior that will harm their children.  While the trial court could limit visitation if it finds that the children would be adversely affected if any boyfriends of Dorene spent the night with her, the restriction against “any overnight male guests” would prohibit Dorene from having visitors with whom she has no romantic relationship and for whom the record does not support a finding of any harmful effect on her children.

Ward v. Ward, No. S11A0437 (Georgia Supreme Court, May 31, 2011)

Many men in the Baby Boomers generation married young, worked hard and built their careers.  Then they got divorced and may have remarried a younger spouse who wanted children.

“These men are doing it the second time around, often with women half their age,” says Michael Kimmel, a sociologist at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, N.Y. He calls the phenomenon “serial paternity.”  For some this is an opportunity to repeat their child-rearing experiences, and in some cases, to get it right the second time.

The men interviewed said it was worth it, even with sleepless nights and cranky kids.  Most have more time, more patience and more financial resources than when they were younger.

Health was a concern.  Most of the fathers said they exercise regularly to keep up with their kids.

1. School:  Grades, homework, school incidents, forms that need to be filled out, conferences,  etc.
2. Health:  Colds, doctor appointments, dentist, counseling, moods, etc.
3. Financial:  Payments due or parenting plan division of costs for activities, medical expenses, etc.
4. Schedule:  Changes to the current schedule, changes in your child’s plans, holiday times, etc.
5. Vacations:  Clarification of times and plans – phone numbers, etc.
6. Upcoming Events:  Social, school, extracurricular or sport activities.

Doerflinger suggests avoiding control issues by not giving instructions and relating only the facts.  Limit the news to co-parenting issues.  This is not a place to discuss your relationship.  Respond to the items that need responses and be sure to thank the other parent for the effort.

But the highest correlation to a child’s stability and well-being after a divorce is the health of the parent’s relationship.

So let’s call a truce to hostilities until the New Year. Put aside your disputes and differences for the sake of the children and let them have a conflict free holiday season.

The best holiday gift you can give them is to let them know they are loved by their mothers and fathers.

First, you can require notice prior to any move so that the objecting party has time to ask the court to review custody.   residence.  Here’s an example from a Parenting Agreement for my state:

Under Maryland law, a move out of state with the minor children by the parent with legal custody constitutes a change in circumstances that warrants a review of the residential arrangements.  Therefore, the parent with legal custody shall notify the other parent at least 45 days in advance of any contemplated move (and sooner if possible), and the parents shall cooperate to work out a new visitation schedule.  In the event that a new visitation schedule cannot be agreed upon by the parents, the parents shall promptly submit the issues raised by relocation to mediation.

Second you can set up an alternative timesharing schedule in your Parenting Plan, to become effective in the event one parent moves over a certain distance from their current residence.  Here’s the introduction to such an alternative schedule:

If the parents live more than one (1) hour apart driving door to door, the following schedule will be presumed to be in the best interests of the children.  It provides the minimum visitation and parents are encouraged to agree on additional visitation.

Finally, you could try to have a non-relocation provision in your Parenting Plan, such as the following example:

The parents agree that neither one will relocate more than 50 miles from their current residence without the consent of the other or an order of the court.

Note that the court has the power to override this non-relocation provision if it finds that relocation is in the best interests of the children.  You may want to add language stating that the parties agree that the best interest of the children lies in being raised in the present location.  Give us your thoughts and experience with relocation in the comment section.

Halloween is coming up at the end of this month.  It is a holiday that might be easily overlooked in a visitation schedule because it may not be as important as other holidays like say Thanksgiving or Fourth of July.

But Halloween is terribly important to children.  There are several ways to handle Halloween.

If you are still on good terms with your ex, you can agree to split Halloween parenting duties.  One will stay in the house and the other will go trick or treating with the kids.  You can trade off after a couple of hours.

Or, if you live close enough, the kids can go trick or treating in mom’s neighborhood with mom and dad’s neighborhood with dad.

If that doesn’t work, then you can alternate the holiday, having Halloween with dad one year and mom the next.

A: Nothing.  I supported her and the children throughout the marriage.  And all their friends and pets and a maid, a handyman and a gardener.  I was the only one that worked.  I made all the money.  She didn’t contribute a dime.  All she did was spend it.

Deposition of Wife:

Q: And what did your husband contribute to the marriage?

A: Not a thing.  I took care of the kids, bandaged their boo-boos, dried their tears, helped them with their homework, made dinner for everyone, took them to soccer, arranged all the doctor visits and went to all the parent teacher meetings.  My husband just worked all the time and contributed nothing to the marriage.

Where did the summer go?  School is starting in a couple of weeks.

Art Therapist Elissa Bowes has some great tips at HigherArtNJ.com about how to help your child get ready for the big first day.

For example, if your summer schedule is more relaxed than the school year schedule, start early adjusting to the bed times and wake up times for school.  Since I take the kids to the bus stop, I guess I better start getting up earlier too.

And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be.