Sometimes it is just easier for co-parents to communicate online with messages and visitation schedules so they don’t get distracted and drawn into arguments.

I have seen a few websites devoted to this idea, with visitation calendars and other features for a fee.

But today I ran across Cozi which says it is a site for organizing your family life.  It is completely free, totally user-friendly, and has a color coded family calendar, photo upload, list maker, email, journal and more.  I signed up and was able to use it in about five minutes.  While probably designed for the intact family, it occurs to me that this is a perfect tool for visitation schedules and messages.

Parents are rightly concerned about vaccinations for their children to prevent the swine flu (H1N1) or the seasonal flu.  These are medical decisions.  If you have joint legal custody with a co-parent, then vaccination ought to be agreed upon by both parents.

“Legal custody” carries with it the right and obligation to make long range decisions involving education, religious training, discipline, medical care, and other matters of major significance concerning the child’s life and welfare. “Joint legal custody” means that both parents have an equal voice in making those decisions, and neither parent’s rights are superior to the other. In any child custody case, the paramount concern is the best interest of the child.  Taylor v. Taylor, 306 Md. 290, 508 A.2d 964. (1986).

If you disagree, you may want to speak together with your pediatrician or a mediator, and try to come to an agreement together.  Thanks to Kysa Crusco for bring this up on her blog.  Here is the latest flu news in Maryland.

Halloween is the most important holiday of the year for many children according to Donna at SingleParentGossip.Com.

But children of divorced parents have many questions, like which parent will take me trick or treating?

The easiest answer is to look at the Parenting Agreement, but sometimes Halloween is overlooked as a holiday in the vacation schedule.  Then the children are with the parent who has them in the regular weekly schedule.  That means one parent may be left out when it is time to trick or treat.

You may be close enough so that the children can trick or treat with each parent.  Or you may be able to reach an agreement to alternate Halloweens.   Some parents can work together so that one stays at home and hands out the candy and the other goes with the children.  Then they alternate the next year.

Children want to know where they will be going to trick or treat.  The children may be comfortable and used to one neighborhood. They may traditionally trick or treat with their friends in that neighborhood.  So it may take them some time to get to know the kids in the other parent’s neighborhood.

Who picks the costumes?  If there is a dispute, let the parent who picked the costumes in the past continue to do so.

Take enough pictures of the children in costumes so that each parent can have some.  If possible, have a picture of the children with each parent.

Most of all remember that Halloween is the children’s holiday, not the parent’s.

Does your ex alienate the children from you when they are with her?  Here’s an example of a provision that should be in your Parenting Plan to prevent that.

“Each parent (and any subsequent spouse) will refrain from exercising undue influence over the child with regard to the other parent, criticizing the other parent in the presence of the child, inducing the child to challenge the authority of the other parent, or encouraging the child to request a change of custody or to resist visitation. Neither parent will interrogate the child about the other parent.”

People have different approaches to parenting.

Mom may feel that Dad is too strict with the children.  Dad feels that Mom is too lenient with the children and that the children need to learn independence.

Dad may feel that Mom is lax about the children’s weight or medical problems.  Mom sees Dad as overprotective and perhaps even a hypochondriac.

Dad may let the children stay up later or watch television shows they can’t watch at Mom’s house.  Mom doesn’t think Dad is a serious enough about making the children do their homework.

Parenting is hard work, but it can be even tougher if one parent is sabotaging or undermining the other’s authority.  Good parents are like good business partners.  They may not love each other or hate each other, but they present a united front in handling the business of parenting together.

But real life is seldom so ideal, so Robert L. Mues, gives us some help for handling parenting style conflicts on his Ohio Family Law Blog.

Maryland attorney, Heather L. Sunderman, has a helpful post at her blog, Maryland Family Law, noting that even non-custodial parents are entitled to see their children’s medical and school records.

Maryland law states:

Unless otherwise ordered by a court, access to medical, dental and educational records concerning the child may not be denied to a parent because the parent does not have physical custody of the child.  Section 9-104 of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code.

Read Dave’s post about why he missed his son’s award at school.  Whether your state has a similar law or not, access to records is one of the things you will want to include in your checklist for a Parenting Agreement.

TLC said on Tuesday that “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ will be renamed “Kate Plus 8″ due to recent changes in family dynamics.

On Thursday, octodad, Jon Gosselin told Larry King,”The reason I don’t think it’s healthy for them is that we’re going through a divorce right now, and I don’t think it should be televised and I think my kids should be taken off the show.”

“They’re 5 and 8 now; let them experience a normal childhood,” he said.

Gosselin’s lawyer predicts  no judge would ever “subject the children to the show if the father believes it’s detrimental.”

It sounds like a legal maneuver to me.  I think Gosselin and his lawyer will have to explain to a judge why it was ok for the children to be televised for the last four years and now it is not.  And the show is the income source for the family.

“Who is your son’s teacher?” one of the moms at the bus stop asked me this morning.

While my wife has been busy being the PTA president, buying school supplies and clothes, and meeting the teachers, I have been working to pay for my kid’s food, clothing, shelter and future college tuition.

So I tell her, “I don’t know.  You’ll have to ask my wife.”

But I feel guilty about this.  It reminds me of the infamous Woody Allen deposition.  Woody couldn’t name his children’s teachers, favorite pajamas, shoe sizes or best friends.  In giving custody to Mia Farrow, the judge found that Woody was an uninterested parent.

Next time someone asks me, I’m going to know the answer to questions like these.

Georgia East had a good back-to-school idea which she posted on Florida’s SunSentinal.Com.

On all those school forms we have to fill out, there are blanks for mom and dad’s name, address and phone number. That works fine if there is no divorce in the family.

But in this day and age it is frequently a step-parent that picks up or drops off the child at school.  And in case of an emergency, the step-parent may be the one that has to take care of the child.

Make some room on those school forms for step-parents.

A Florida man, known only as CA in court records, had his parental rights to his daughter, now 13 years old, terminated.  That was because he was a crack addict and the state had placed the girl with foster parents who wanted to adopt her.

CA appealed the decision.  Before the Court of Appeal ruled, CA was hit by a car and died.  There may be a wrongful death suit by the deceased father’s estate.  With parental rights terminated, the daughter would not be entitled to share in any recovery.

The Court of Appeal has ordered the Trial Judge to reconsider.

“Even if the final judgment (severing C.A.’s rights was) soundly based and affirmed, it may not now be in the best interests of the child to do so,” says the Court of Appeal.

More details at Better Dad Dead by Miami Herald Reporter Carol Marbin Miller.