It is fairly normal to have fantasies of revenge and vindication in a divorce.  But those are not necessarily helpful emotions for finding your way through the legal systems and protecting your assets.  They can lead you to make wrong decisions when you should have a cool head or paralysis if you let them morph into despair and dejection.

You may be bitter about the amount of alimony and child support you have to pay.  Many ex-husband’s complain that their ex’s are living better than them financially.  That is not to say that single mothers have it any better.

Anger and hurt are part of the grieving process in a divorce according to many therapists.  These emotions should not be denied.  But it is also common to give them more significance than they deserve.  One way to cope is to find a meaning or purpose in your life that is bigger than your divorce problems.

Time does eventually heal the wounds and the divorce recedes into the past as your new life becomes larger and more satisfying than the old.  But ex-spouses still talk about their divorces with a hint of vindication or gloat over the misfortunes of their ex’s.

The way to know when you are over it is when you no longer want revenge.  That’s when you look at your life and you are satisfied.  The best revenge is living well.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 6:53 pm and is filed under Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.