Maryland attorney, Heather L. Sunderman, has a helpful post at her blog, Maryland Family Law, noting that even non-custodial parents are entitled to see their children’s medical and school records.

Maryland law states:

Unless otherwise ordered by a court, access to medical, dental and educational records concerning the child may not be denied to a parent because the parent does not have physical custody of the child.  Section 9-104 of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code.

Read Dave’s post about why he missed his son’s award at school.  Whether your state has a similar law or not, access to records is one of the things you will want to include in your checklist for a Parenting Agreement.

“Who is your son’s teacher?” one of the moms at the bus stop asked me this morning.

While my wife has been busy being the PTA president, buying school supplies and clothes, and meeting the teachers, I have been working to pay for my kid’s food, clothing, shelter and future college tuition.

So I tell her, “I don’t know.  You’ll have to ask my wife.”

But I feel guilty about this.  It reminds me of the infamous Woody Allen deposition.  Woody couldn’t name his children’s teachers, favorite pajamas, shoe sizes or best friends.  In giving custody to Mia Farrow, the judge found that Woody was an uninterested parent.

Next time someone asks me, I’m going to know the answer to questions like these.

I read somewhere yesterday something that stuck in my mind.  It said that you should resolve to love your children more than you hate your ex.

Divorce has a major impact on children.  Parents in conflict usually have so many problems of their own, that they don’t think about it from the child’s point of view.

The National Network for Child Care has published online “Divorce Matters:  A Child’s View”.  The article has bullet points for what children understand, how they react and what parents can do for each age group, including infants, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary students, preteens and adolescents.

Jill Brooke has written an interesting blog at Parental Rights claiming that divorce makes dads better parents in some cases.

She says that, with married couples, sometimes the mom is the center of all children related activities.

However, when timesharing becomes rationed in a divorce, then dad gets more valued one on one time with the children.

She also credits technology, like cellphones, Facebook and videoconferencing, with allowing non-custodial dads to interact more with their children.

The mother removed her child from England, where the father lived, to her country of origin twice.  Both times the father sued under the Hague Convention and the mother returned with the child.  The father now has custody.

The mother wanted visitation under an interim order until a custody evaluation could be completed.  The father objected, concerned that the mother would abscond with the child again.

The English High Court, in Re A (A Minor), March 17, 2009, issued an order requiring that the mother wear an electronic ankle bracelet before being allowed to visit her child.

Read more at Jeremy Morley’s excellent International Family Law Blog.

David Rembert tried his divorce case against Angela Rembert and got joint legal custody of his two children.  But the judge also gave him primary physical custody and final decision making authority on all matters involving the children including the school they attend, membership in organizations, and other extracurricular activities.

Angela appealed contending that the order didn’t really grant joint legal custody because it gave David final decision making authority.

The Supreme Court of Georgia noted the joint custody statute provided that the judge may designate one parent to have sole power to make certain decisions.

Angela also complained that the decision to award primary physical custody to David was wrong because she was equally fit to be a parent.  The court noted that Angela had a romantic involvement with a married man prior to filing for divorce and said she intended to marry him after her divorce.  She also planned to be a full-time student.  She borrowed $43,000 from David to buy a car after the separation.  And she threatened the life of a neighbor.

David, on the other hand, intended to stay in the marital home, and was seeking a transfer from his job as a pilot to be a trainer with a more regular schedule.  The appeals court said this was ample support for the decision of the trial court and affirmed the decision.

Rembert v. Rembert, Case No. S08F1582, Georgia Supreme Court (Decided March 23, 2009)

Every morning is bedlam at our house with the parents telling the kids to brush their hair and teeth and make their beds.  Dr. Michele Borba suggests that positive reinforcement works faster and better for changing children’s behavior.  She recommends you catch them doing the right thing and praise them enthusiastically with specific words to teach them  what you want them to do.  She gives you the right words to use, “You should be so proud because….”

I’m proud of my son’s skill with mathematics and I’ve told him, “You’re so smart.”  Dr. Borba says that kids don’t feel like they have control over intelligence and so those words have a negative effect on them.  She suggests you focus on what your children are trying to accomplish instead of intelligence.  The example words are “I like how hard you are concentrating on your multiplication tables.”

I’m also guilty of praising the end product, like the trophy, grade or score.  Instead she says you should praise the child’s effort.  That is something the child can control and so he or she will be more likely persist and succeed.

Katrina Daniels Lee had some good advice on her radio show last night for parents who are prevented from seeing their children by a hostile parent or by the court.  She told them to set up a Facebook site and post their positive feelings for their children on it.  She said that children are so  computer savy these days they will find it sooner or later.  In her interview with me, she also told her listeners to reach out for support, help each other and never give up hope for reunification with their children.

Percent of custody cases that go to trial (5 percent)

Ratio of divorce cases where mom ends up with primary physical custody (5 out of 6)

Ratio of divorces where parties agree to joint physical custody (5 percent)

Noncustodial dads who see their children at least once a week (31 percent)

Percent of sole physical custodians who are men (7 percent)

Source:  “Not Your Dad’s Divorce”, Newsweek

Everybody is so stressed out running around for the holidays, we sometimes don’t think of the impact that holidays can have on our children.  They pick up on the stress from both mom and dad.

Interruptions in routines are stressful to children.  Children need routines, rituals and traditions. You can help them by following familiar routines as much as possible.

Think about how you would feel if you sat down to Thanksgiving dinner with one family, then had to be whisked away for Thanksgiving dinner with another family.

Children also frequently feel like the separation of their parents is their fault.  It is important during the holidays to take time to talk to them about their feelings and reassure them.

For more ideas on how to help children during the holidays, read this thoughtful article by Linda Ranson Jacobs.