“Calm down!” “Stop whining!” “Be more respectful!”

I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that to my kids.

Dr. Michele Borba, in an article at iVillage.com, says this is Parenting Mistake #1.  Rather than assume our kids know how to act, use the opportunity to teach them a new behavior or skill.

She suggests you call the child on the bad behavior briefly, then show, don’t tell, the replacement behavior.

For example, if your child whines, you say, “That is a whiney tone. Listen to my nice tone. Now you try.”  Or if your child is angry, for a younger kid, say: “When you start to feel yourself getting mad take big Dragon Breaths.” For an older kid, say: “Take a deep slow breath, and count slowly to ten.”