Finding Opportunities in Divorce

“Divorce creates opportunities,” writes Michelle Odessey today in her Real Estate Investing Blog.

She is talking about the opportunity to buy a house at a bargain price because it is being sold due to a divorce. Sometimes, the parties are selling the house by agreement. Sometimes, when the parties cannot agree, a trustee will sell the house in a public auction on the courthouse steps.

“While you may not feel good about divorce in general” says Odessey, “when you’re able to keep an eye on legal notes that include divorce filings, in many cases you will find something that’s beneficial to you as a real estate investor: motivated sellers."

“When homeowners file for divorce there is going to be a point in time in the not too distant future when they decide to act quickly and to liquidate their shared assets - and that’s when the real estate investors start to benefit. If the parties looking into a divorce are focused on splitting everything or they simply need to liquidate the property to cover the expenses associated with the divorce, it’s possible for you to jump in.”

This is what I call a “special situation”. If you look hard enough and long enough, you will find special situations. Sometimes these are the best deals around.

(Side Note: This special situation rule also applies to finding a mate. If you think all the best ones are taken, look for a special situation, like someone between marriages.)

More Divorces in a Recession?

Does a recession result in more divorces? Correy E. Stephenson writes in her article, Breaking Up Is Even Harder to Do, in The Journal Record, that the impact of the slowing economy on divorce can be felt in the housing market. She quotes me in the article:

And James J. Gross, a partner at Thyden, Gross & Callahan, says he hasn’t seen a large change for his clientele in the wealthy suburb of Chevy Chase, Md. – at least not yet. But while he hasn’t had to work with foreclosed properties, he has noticed a shift from splitting profit to splitting debt. ‘There has been a downturn in the housing market, where we only used to see profit and houses would sell very quickly. Now we are seeing minimal gain or loss,’ Gross said.

Certainly, economic stress can put more pressure on a marriage in trouble. But I believe that macro economics has little to do with people getting divorced. If a couple has a good marriage, they will weather economic hard times together.

If they don’t have a good marriage, they will have troubles when they don’t have much money and they will have troubles when they have lots of money. I have just as many divorce clients now as I did when gas was low and the stock market was high.

Divorce Doesn't Make Resilient Moms Poorer

Public policy researchers at Duke University wanted to know the economic effect of divorce on mothers.

“What we found surprised us: the average mom who divorces ends up with just as much income as a similar mom who stays married," says Professor Elizbeth Oltmans Ananat, as quoted in the Sun-Sentinel.

“Why? Divorced moms are resilient. They move in with relatives, switch from part to full-time work and, perhaps most importantly, 70 percent remarry.”

Twelve Things You Can Do to Get Over Your Divorce

“There is a great life that lies ahead after divorce,” claims Greg Frost at SelfHelpStation.Com. He notes that while it may be tough, you are free to start over with a completely new life. You can change jobs or move to another town. “You will find that there is a lot of hope that lies in the bounds of the aftermath,” says Frost.

Having been through divorce myself, and helped lots of others through divorce, I can guarantee that you will survive divorce. Although you may not feel like doing much except feeling sorry for yourself at first, here are a dozen things you can do to get back on your feet.

1. Join a gym.
2. Take Karate or kickboxing lessons.
3. Join a running club.
4. Take dance lessons.
5. Start a singles group.
6. Join a beach house.
7. Get some therapy.
8. Go to church.
9. Play racketball.
10. Talk to your friends.
11. Participate in politics.
12. Help someone who has more troubles than you.

Anything you can do that gets you active and gets you out of your own thoughts will move you along the path to divorce recovery whether you realize it at the time or not. Then one day, what seems like a mountain in front of you now, will be only a speed bump behind you.

Divorce Quote of the Day

My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.

- Cathy Ladman

Spousal Support

Spousal support, also known as alimony, is supposed to be temporary and "rehabilitative." Rehabilitative means to an economic functioning level, i.e. earning a reasonable living. The public policy is to assist the former spouse to be self supporting.

If temporary spousal support cannot bring about rehabilitation, then the court can, in proper circumstances, order spousal support on a long-term or indefinite basis. Indefinite spousal support is granted less often these days.

Technically, husbands can get spousal support from wives, but it rarely happens. Spousal support is based upon the relative needs and resources of the parties. The legislature has set out certain criteria for the courts to consider and they include the following:

Maryland
Virginia
District of Columbia

Indefinite spousal support can be raised or lowered over time if there is a change of circumstances. If you do not get spousal support at the time of the divorce, you cannot get alimony later on.

Living with someone after the divorce, regardless of whether you have sex or not, may cause spousal support to be lowered or stopped. Death of one of the persons paying or receiving spousal support, or marriage of the person receiving spousal support, will terminate alimony unless the divorce settlement agreement provides otherwise. The court can require a bond or put a lien on property to ensure the payment of spousal support.

Divorce Grounds

If you are filing for divorce, you need to have grounds before you file. We don't mean coffee grounds. Grounds are reasons for a divorce. In Maryland and Virginia, there are both fault grounds and no-fault grounds. DC has only no-fault grounds.

All divorces require proof of grounds. If you cannot prove your grounds for divorce, accusing your spouse of these grounds may be grounds for the award of legal fees to your spouse. Pending the final divorce you should not do anything to give your spouse any grounds for divorce because it can probably be used against you.

The grounds for a final divorce are as follows:

Maryland
Virginia
District of Columbia

Note that in Maryland you cannot be living separate and apart under the same roof if you want to file under voluntary or involuntary separation grounds. Virginia and the District of Columbia provide for separation while living under the same roof but this may be difficult to prove.

Court Awards Damages for Interference with Visitation

by Michael F. Callahan

Michael Shannon and Nermeen Khalifa Shannon had two sons Adam Osama Shannon, born February 9, 1997, and Jason Osama Shannon, born January 10, 2001. Mr. Shannon had been awarded physical custody of Adam and visitation with Jason. Ms. Khalifa’s mother, Afaf Nassar Khalifa, visited from Egypt and Mr. Shannon agreed that both boys could travel to New York to visit a cousin. Nermeen and her mother promptly, and by pre-arrangement, flew with the boys to Egypt where they remain. Mr. Shannon has not seen his sons since.

Michael sued Nermeen, his former wife, her mother, Ms. Khalifa, and her sister. A jury awarded Michael compensatory damages of $500,000 from the defendants and punitive damages of $1,100,000 against Nermeen and $900,000 against her mother.

The Maryland Court of Appeals in Khalifa v Shannon, 2008 Md. Lexis 182, upheld the awards after an extensive review of Maryland law on abduction, enticement and other old theories of recovery for legal wrongs. The Court held that its prior cases recognized a tort of interference with parent-child relations, including interference with visitation, so long as such interference was substantial, as it clearly was in this case. The Court also upheld the punitive damages award. A concurring opinion differed with the majority saying that the Court was recognizing a new tort (a theory of recovery for legal harm) but agreeing with the result.

The Court was writing in broad stokes in this case saying that interference with custody or visitation is something a parent can sue over. It will left for future, less egregious cases, to define the limits of the tort of interference with parent-child relations. There will be many questions such as how much interference is enough (or rather too much) what defenses can be raised, and how damages will be determined.

Country Songs I Wish I Had Written

We've been educated.
We got liberated.
And had complicating matters with men.

Oh, we've said "I do"
And we've signed "I don't"
And we've sworn we'd never do that again.

-- 80's Ladies by K. T. Oslin

How Much Alimony Will I Get?

That is one of the two hardest questions for a divorce lawyer to answer. The other one is, “How much alimony will I have to pay?” The real answer is “I don’t know.” But no lawyer wants to say that to a client.

The reason we don’t know is that alimony is left up to the discretion of the judge, based on several factors (like age, health, income, length of the marriage, etc.) set forth by the legislature. The Court of Appeals, in Whittington v. Whittington, (CSA No. 06-32, January 4, 2007), has said that we don’t use a statistical approach to determine alimony.

The results vary widely from case of case. They bewilder anyone who has tried to plot alimony against incomes and marriage duration. There seems to be little rhyme or reason. By way of example, I was in a class recently with other attorneys, where we were given hypothetical facts and asked to write out an alimony award. There were 34 attorneys in that class and 34 different alimony awards.

Comes now the Kaufman Alimony Guidelines Calculator, a free web based computer program from the Women’s Law Center’s Bruce A. Kaufman Center for Family Law. The program asks for age, education level, number of children and health expenses. The program then uses a formula (developed by a lawyer in Michigan from “thousands of cases”) to recommend an amount and duration for alimony.

It is important to note that these guidelines are not binding on the court, and if a court relied on them alone, it would be reversible error. But at least one judge says he uses the guidelines as a starting point for analyzing cases. Certainly they will be used by attorneys in settlement negotiations. Most importantly, lawyers will now be able to give at least a preliminary answer to those "how much" alimony questions.

Thanks to Caryn Tamber at the Daily Record who brought this to my attention.

Maryland Court of Appeals Invalidates Pakistani Divorce

28 years ago, Irfan Aleem of Pakistan was 29 years old and studying for his Ph.D. at Oxford. In an arranged marriage, he wed Farah, who was 18 at the time and had just graduated from high school. The premarital agreement provided that Irfan would pay Farah $2,500 in the event of a divorce.

Irfan and Farah lived together in London, then moved to Maryland in 1985. They had two children, both born in the United States, who are now 19 and 22 years old. Irfan works at the World Bank.

Unfortunately, they did not live happily ever after. Farah filed for a divorce from Irfan in March of 2003 in the Circuit Court of Montgomery County, Maryland. Irfan filed for divorce in Pakistan through the Pakistan embassy. The Pakistani divorce was completed before the Maryland divorce, and Farah was denied a share of Irfan’s World Bank pension.

The Maryland Court finished its divorce proceedings in June 2006, finding the Pakistani decree invalid, and ordered Irfan to share his pension with Farah. Irfan appealed to the Court of Appeals of Maryland.

Irfan said the Maryland courts must abide by international comity and defer to the Pakistani decree. His lawyer argued that denying a pension share to an ex-wife is not so fundamentally contrary to Maryland’s laws and policy so as to render the foreign decree invalid. He noted that Maryland courts have upheld divorce decrees from other states that have denied one ex-spouse a share of the other’s income.

But Judge Lynne A. Battaglia said Maryland courts are by no means bound by a foreign country’s family-law decisions. The principle of international comity, under which deference to foreign rulings is generally given, is not absolute and may be suspended when the overseas ruling profoundly contradicts a state’s policy, Battaglia said. The judge said the duty of one state to give full faith and credit to the divorce decree of a fellow state is rooted in the Constitution, but the principle of international comity is a diplomatic gesture not binding on other countries.

There were dissenting opinions among the judges on the Court of Appeals. The case is Aleem v. Aleem, September Term 2007, No. 108.

Divorce Quotes

When I married Mr. Right, I didn't know his first name was Always. -- Anon.

What Once Was Ethan Allen Is Now Just Sticks N Stuff

Dividing up the furniture and furnishings can be a difficult task in a divorce. But this is the tail wagging the dog. Most of the value of the marital estate is in the house and the pension. Furnishing and furniture might account for 5% or less.

Sometimes when everything else is agreed upon, folks get stuck on dividing the china, crystal, silverware, jewelry or the frequent flyer miles. Whenever this happens, and it is not logical or profitable, I usually think that they are hanging on to the marriage or the fight instead of the property.

If you want a reality check, jewelry is worth one third of what you paid for it, the minute you walk out of the store. Look at the classifieds and you can find used diamonds, which in truth are not one molecule different from new diamonds, going for as little as $500 a carot. Gold may be selling for more than $800 an ounce, but your jewelry is measured in grams, and the pawn shop will give you around five dollars or so a gram for it.

Furniture depreciates around 20% a year, so if it is five or more years old, it is essentially worthless until it becomes an antique. And if you don’t believe me, go to an auction or a used furniture store.

The Kelley Blue Book is online to tell you what your automobile is worth. Don’t forget to subtract the car loan.

Each spouse can hire an appraiser to value the real estate at $400 or $500 each, then if they disagree they can appoint a third appraiser. Or you can ask a realtor. Or you can simply agree on the value of the house. Zillow.Com will give you a value for free. If you still want to fight about it, Zillow also gives you a range of values or you can fiddle with the assumptions and comparables to get a new value.

I mention all this so that you can weigh the value of what you are fighting for, against the legal fees that it is going to cost to get it.

2008 Super Lawyers

THYDEN GROSS AND CALLAHAN LLP is pleased to announce that partners, James J. Gross, Michael F. Callahan and Lois R. Finklestein, have been selected as Maryland Super Lawyers and District of Columbia Super Lawyers for 2008.

The Super Lawyers selection process includes peer nominations, a blue ribbon panel review and independent research.

Only five percent of attorneys are selected each year.

Play the McCartney vs Mills Divorce Game

If you are feeling deprived because the divorce battle between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills is over, you are in luck.

Dave Parrack at Tech.Blorge.Com directs our attention to Splash and Grab, a free computer game at MuccaChucka.co.uk where you can participate virtually in all the action with the ex-Beatle and the ex-model and their lawyers.

You also get a chance to participate, if only virtually, in the $48.6 million award to Ms. Mills. In the game you throw cups of water at McCartney and his lawyer, Fiona Shackleton, who keep popping up in various places in the courtroom.

Your award keeps growing as you hit your targets unless you happen to hit the judge by mistake.

Don't Try Your Divorce Case in Letters (Six Mistakes Lawyers Make)

You should see some of the mail I get from other divorce lawyers. If you are going to write me a letter, try to avoid these six mistakes that lawyers make.

1. Don’t be a bully. I’ve been doing this for over thirty years and I have been around the block. You are not going to scare me into doing something my client doesn’t want to do. Does that ever work for you? Sometimes I think you are writing this letter to your client to show them how tough you are. Next time, maybe you should just copy me.

2. Don’t be rude. I have had lawyers call my clients liars, bounders, philanderers, gold diggers, no good run-arounders and worse. Here’s a newsflash for you. People are more likely to negotiate favorably with someone they like than someone they don’t like. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Or if you’ve got something bad to say about somebody, don’t say it? Instead of calling my client a liar, why not say my client is mistaken?

3. Keep your ego in check. A new client has brought me the file from her former lawyer’s office. It is three inches of letters between counsel. No settlement offer. No complaint for divorce. Just letters mostly about who is returning calls and who is not. The client has paid thousands of dollars for this contest of egos between lawyers.

4. Don’t tell me what the judge is going to do. We both know that you don’t know and I don’t know. I’ve won cases I should have lost and I’ve lost cases I should have won. A divorce case is like a football, in that it takes funny bounces, and you don’t always know where it is going to end up. Unless you have a crystal ball that is less cloudy than mine, don’t give me your predictions. That is like getting the critic’s review before the performance.

5. Let me have your proposal or your specific objections to mine. It is not helpful to tell me that your client rejects my settlement without giving me a counter. Then I have to write back and ask you for your specific objections. I am not going to bid against myself so don’t ask me to make a more “reasonable” proposal. When I get a letter, as I did recently, that starts out, “Jim, you’ve got to be kidding,” I stop reading. So if you have anything you want to say, say it before you write that sentence to me.

6. Don’t try your case in letters. I get long letters from lawyers telling me why their client is right and my client is wrong. That’s because lawyers are taught in law school that people will change their minds if you only talk long enough and persuasively enough to them. It takes a long time for lawyers to unlearn what they learned in law school and to learn how to practice law. People are not persuaded by argument. They are persuaded by asking questions and meeting their needs and interests. So most of my letters are one page or less. Sometimes once sentence, like “We do not agree with your letter.” We try our cases in court. Not in letters.

Divorce Quote

"I could have told her the trouble was probably blonde."

-- Davin, in The Big Dream, by John Kessel

11 Reasons a Divorce Agreement Is Better Than a Divorce Trial

When clients tell me they want a Divorce, I usually tell them what they really want is a Divorce Agreement, also called a Separation Agreement or Marital Settlement Agreement, for the following reasons.

1. Residency. Before you can even file a Divorce Complaint, one spouse has to be a resident for a year in Maryland or, if the grounds for Divorce arose in Maryland then one spouse has to be a resident at the time of filing. It’s six months in Virginia and DC. There is no residency requirement for a Divorce Agreement.

2. Grounds. You have to have Grounds, or reasons for a divorce, before you can file a Divorce Complaint. But you can have a Divorce Agreement even if you don’t have grounds for Divorce yet.

3. Separation. No-fault Divorces require a period of Separation first. You can have a Divorce Agreement even if you are still living together.

4. Cost. A Divorce Trial can cost $20,000 or more. You can get a Divorce Agreement for $5,000 or less.

5. Time. It might be a year or more before you have a Divorce Trial, and that’s after you file your Divorce Complaint. You can have a Divorce Agreement today.

6. Trial. The actual Divorce Trial itself can last a day or a couple of weeks. But if you have a Divorce Agreement, then an Uncontested Divorce Hearing takes about 20 minutes.

7. Limitations. A Divorce Court Judge has certain limitations in what he or she can order placed in the Divorce Law by the Legislature. You are not restricted by these Divorce Laws in a Divorce Agreement.

8. Detail. A Divorce Decree might be a page or two and leave many questions unanswered. But a Divorce Agreement can be as long as you want and cover every detail.

9. Control. In a Divorce Trial, a Divorce Judge will make the decisions for you, and he or she is a stranger to your marriage. You can control the outcome with a Divorce Agreement.

10. Privacy. A Divorce Trial is public and some of the information about your divorce is available on the Internet. A Divorce Agreement can be kept confidential.

11. Appeals. Your spouse can appeal a Divorce Trial, but not a Divorce Agreement.

In fact a Divorce Agreement can give you almost everything a Divorce Trial can give you, except an order dividing pension plans (“QDRO”) and the right to remarry. A Divorce Trial is the course of last resort, only when you and your spouse cannot reach a Divorce Agreement.

Marriage Mentors

Before you make an appointment to see me, your friendly neighborhood divorce lawyer, you might want to try a marriage mentor.

Mike and Harriet McManus of Potomac, Maryland, have been married 42 years. The are marriage mentors expert at teaching skills to divorce-proof a marriage.

In 1996, Mike and Harriet co-founded a non-profit corporation called Marriage Savers, Inc. The goal is to push down divorce and cohabitation rates and raise marriage rates.

The key strategy is for local clergy to adopt a Community Marriage Policy. Mike McManus describes the policy as follows, "They will work together across denominational lines to build kind of a compact, a covenant, that they will not do anymore quickie weddings, that they will require couples to go through serious preparation." Marriage Savers then trains clergy and Mentor Couples in participating churches to help other couples save marriages.

Marriage mentors seems like a great idea to me. They don’t teach you the skills in school that you need for a good marriage.

Divorce Advice for Women -- 11 Things to Do Now

 Once you decide you are going to get a divorce, there are some things you can do to get ready for it.

1. Start a War Chest. You are going to need your own money for a divorce. You will have to be able to maintain yourself and your children for a while if you are dependent on your spouse and your spouse decides to cut off support. You will also probably need funds to hire a lawyer. If there is anyway to start a separate account to guard against future financial contingencies, now is the time to do it. If you have to borrow money from a relative or friend, be sure to sign a promissory note so the court will look at this as a loan that you have to repay and not as a gift.

2. Keep a Divorce Calendar. If you are currently using a desk calendar or day planner, you will now need to include your divorce events. There will be meetings with your lawyer and court deadlines to keep track of. It may be helpful to keep track of discussions with your spouse. It may be used as evidence in your case when your spouse did not keep an appointment or violated an agreement or court order in some fashion. Visitation dates with children need to be calendared. You will also want to keep track of appointments with your children’s teachers, doctors, coaches and tutors. This may become evidence of your participation in your children’s lives in your divorce.

3. Make a To Do List. You will need to stay organized and set your priorities during a divorce. This is the easiest way to do it. List all the items you have to accomplish and mark them off as you go through them.

4. Prepare a Divorce Notebook. A divorce produces a lot of paperwork. It comes at you in a blizzard. The simplest way to keep track of all these papers is with a three ring binder and a three hole punch. Put papers in chronological order and make an index.

5. Set up a Divorce File. You may prefer to set up individual files for various categories of divorce papers. Some examples are correspondence with your attorney, drafts of agreements, financial information and pleadings. Files with brads and a two hole punch will help you keep papers neat and organized.

6. Cut Expenses. If you have debt in your name, like credit cards or student loans, you will want to pay those debts down as much as possible before a divorce. If your family is like most American families, you have been spending close to your entire income, if not more, and when one household becomes two, there will not be enough money to pay the expenses of both unless something changes. You may have to cut expense, sell the car and get a less expensive model, or maybe sell the house. If your spouse does not voluntarily support you and the children, your remedy is to ask the Court to order support. You will not have a good prediction of any of this and you will not know the answers for sure until the agreement is signed or the judge makes a ruling. But the point is to think about it, and identify problems and possible solutions. Then take the actions that you can take and avoid missteps.

7. Stick to a Routine. It will help if you try to keep things as normal as possible in your life. Do not skip meals or change sleeping habits. Positive routines like using your to do list and calendar will help you keep focus. Exercise is always a great way to relief stress. Try not to isolate yourself from your friends.

8. Be Constructive. Try to maintain a positive outlook and do not let yourself be lured into needless conflicts with your spouse. You will need his signature on a settlement agreement before your divorce is over. You will still be parents together for years after the divorce.

9. Make a Plan. Take it one day at a time. Focus on the present and not the past. Try to control only those things within your control. Many things in a divorce are outside of your control. Try not to blow those things out of proportion. Make a plan. Then keep working your plan. That is how you will take control of your divorce and not let it take control of you.

10. Gather Financial Information. The more you can organize your own financial documents, the more you will reduce your attorney fees and improve your chances of success. You are going to have to gather and organize a lot of information for your attorney or your case. A good way of organizing the information you find is a financial statement which can be used as a checklist. Many courts have a form financial statement available at the court clerk’s office and sometimes online. If you can obtain this form and fill it out, it will help you gather and organize your financial information. Give it to your lawyer at the first meeting to save time and expense.

11. Do Your Research. It is valuable for you to learn everything you can about divorce early in the process. If you know little or nothing about the process, you may not make the best decisions or choices. Most people are uncomfortable with the unknown. You can raise your comfort level and your odds of success by finding out what is going to happen before it happens. The Internet is a convenient way to obtain summary and detailed information about divorce. Of course there are other ways to research the subject. You can start your research at a library or book store. There are seminars and support groups. Talk to friends who have been through divorce. But keep in mind that every divorce is different. It’s a good idea to learn about the basics of divorce law in your state early in the process. You can learn about divorce law by looking up your state’s statutes on the Internet or checking attorney’s websites or other helpful sites.

Divorce Advice for Men -- 11 Things to Do Now

There are a lot of important actions that men can take to protect themselves in a divorce. Some things for you to consider regarding specific financial matters include the following.

1. Documents. Move your documents, records and other papers somewhere else, like a friend’s house or your attorney’s office. You can expect that your children’s mother will be going through your desk, briefcase, automobile, telephone records, bills, and computer, looking for financial information and other evidence to use against you.

2. Bank Accounts. Go to the bank and divide the joint bank accounts in half and deposit your half in your own name. You can also put them all in your name, but sometimes this will make the judge angry with you. However, it is often easier to give money back than to get it back. If you are the breadwinner do not put your children and their mother out in the cold without some money to get by on. This will aggravate the judge who will make you pay anyway. Make arrangements so that bills will be covered. Let your children’s mother know what you have done, but not before you have done it. You do not want her to clean out the account first.

3. Stock. Call your broker and divide any stock, bonds or mutual funds that are held jointly with your children’s mother. While this is not a taxable event, you will have to take future taxes into account if you want to be fair. Therefore, ask your broker to make sure the tax basis is equalized as well.

4. Credit Cards. You do not want to wake up one morning and discover that your children’s mother has charged $5,000 on your joint credit card on a spending spree. You may be responsible for paying part or all of that $5,000. Close all joint credit or loan accounts and notify the banks, charge cards, and others by a certified, return receipt letter that you are no longer responsible for the expenses of your children’s mother. You may ask the company to reopen an account in your own name. This is a good time to request it. Let your children’s mother know so she is not caught by surprise at the gas pump when the credit card no longer works. If your she has already started her spending spree, report the card as stolen. If she has charged her attorney fees on the card, you can dispute the charges with the company.

5. Insurance. If you cover your spouse or children on your insurance, do not drop them from the policy at least until the divorce is final. You are probably responsible for their medical bills until then anyway. Even after the divorce, the employed spouse may want to keep the spouse and children covered. If you are paying child support, a large unexpected medical expense for the child could be assessed against the noncustodial parent as additional child support. The same could happen with alimony and an ex-spouse. Federal law allows most employees to cover their spouses for up to thirty six months after a divorce for a small additional premium. However, the employer must be notified prior to the final divorce decree.

6. Expenses. Two cannot live as cheaply as one, especially if they are separated and trying to maintain two households. It is time to cut costs as much as possible. Cancel anything you do not need like extra telephone lines or cable television. If there is any personal property you do not want or need, sell it. However, do not cut off the utilities on your children and their mother without giving them plenty of notice. Make sure you can prove this notice to the court because leaving your children and their mother home without heat or light in December seldom sits well
with the judge.

7. Pensions. Retirement funds acquired during a marriage are marital assets that can be divided by the divorce court. So chances are good that your wife will share in anything you contribute now to your pension plan at work or your Individual Retirement Account (IRA). Fill out the paperwork to have your employer stop your contributions to your 401(k) account or other pension plan. Do not make contributions this year to your IRA. This will keep your spouse from getting part of it and chances are you will be needing the money soon.

8. Inventory. Make a list of everything in the house. Take pictures or video tape everything if you wish. Be sure to date your inventory. Include furniture, furnishings, appliances, clothing and jewelry. Then you will know if something turns up missing, and you will have evidence of it.

9. Valuables. Move any valuables, like collections, jewelry, artwork, firearms, cash, and heirlooms out of the house to a safe place. Anything with significant or sentimental value to you ought to be secured from your children’s mother. You are not trying to hide things. But you do not want to come home from work and find that your valuables have been sold at a yard sale.

10. Safe Deposit Box. You can establish a safe deposit box to store your valuables away from the house. If you already have a safe deposit box, and your children’s mother has access to it, you will want to remove your items and store them somewhere else. Make a list or take a picture or video tape of whatever is left in the box for proof later. The same goes for any storage unit you may have.

11. Get a Lawyer. Find a good family lawyer and set up an appointment right away. Some lawyers charge for an initial consultation and some do not. In the initial meeting, you will be able to get some good advice and strategy for your particular facts and circumstances. You will also be able to assess the attorney to see if it’s a good fit for you. During this meeting, the attorney will discuss costs with you. But be aware that any estimate by an attorney is the roughest of all guesses and depends upon what your spouse and her attorney do. Your attorney will probably tell you not to sign anything before he or she reviews it. Your attorney will also advise you about other matters you will need to consider during this change in your life, for example executing a new will and changing any powers of attorney.

Subprime Mortgages and Divorce

Will subprime mortgage rate resets result in more divorces? That's the prediction of Christopher S. Penn who uses this chart from Credit Suisse that shows the first big wave of resets hitting the United States next month. Penn says he guesses this will lead to more divorces and broken homes about a month later.

Date a Millionaire

Valentine’s day has come and gone, but if you are still single, have no fear. If you are looking for a high-net-worth mate, there are a plethora of dating sites offer an inventory of men who say they earn at least six figures annually according to Forbes.com.

To find those deep pockets, you can troll sites such as

MillionaireMatch.com,
Sugardaddie.com,
DateAMillionaire.com or even
Marry-An-Ugly-Millionaire-Online-Dating-Agency.com.

How to File for Divorce

The first step in a divorce proceeding is the preparation and filing of a Complaint. The legal document that starts the proceeding is entitled "Complaint for Divorce". The Complaint states the grounds for divorce and the vital statistics of the parties and the marriage. You file the Complaint at the Clerk’s Office at the Courthouse.

The Complaint also covers certain technical matters and asks the court for anything you might want. If you and your spouse cannot agree on something (support, custody, visitation, property division, attorney's fees, court costs) then you must ask the court for it in the petition or the court cannot give it to you. If the list seems long, or if it includes more than you want, think of it as a wish list.

If the wording seems strange, remember that it is a formal legal document and much of the wording is required by law. If your spouse has already filed, you can file a Countercomplaint for Divorce with your Answer.

IRS Audits Catch More Alimony Errors

The IRS said audits for last year rose 7 percent for individuals, 14 percent for taxpayers earning more than $100,000, and 30 percent for those making $200,000 or more according to this article. Millionaires had a 1 in 11 chance of losing at audit roulette.

A test to see if divorced couples were correctly reporting alimony in California concluded that 40 percent of the taxpayers flubbed it, usually over several years. On average, they owed the state an additional $5,800 — and that was just tab before the IRS was notified.

Auditors commonly found recipients of alimony and family support failed to report it as income. Meanwhile, the spouses cutting checks often wrote off alimony that the divorce decree stipulated was neither taxable nor deductible, or erroneously deducted child-support payments.

Marital Award

You know what they say. Get three lawyers in a room and you will get four different opinions.

Yesterday, my partners and I were discussing whether the judge uses a marital award to adjust the equities and rights of the parties in their marital property. Or whether it is to adjust the equities in all of their property, marital and non-marital as well.

After about a non-billable hour of arguing, we decided to read the manual, in this case the Code of Maryland.

Section 8-205(a) of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code authorizes the court to grant a monetary award “as an adjustment of the equities and rights of the parties concerning marital property”.

Subsection (b) of that Code provision, however, provides ten factors that the Court must consider in determining the amount of the award. Factor 2 is the value of all property interests of the parties, factor 8 is how and when marital and non-marital property was acquired, and factor 10 is any other factor the court considers necessary or appropriate.

So the right answer is that the monetary award is an adjustment of the equities in marital property, taking into consideration both non-marital and marital property, and how and when it was acquired. Got that? Don’t worry, even judges get it wrong from time to time.

Is There Life After Divorce?

You bet.

Clients come to me in misery, despair and self-doubt.

I have the pleasure of watching them become better, stronger and happier people.

Yesterday, a client stopped by my office to pay her final bill and to show me her dazzlingly new engagement ring.

Tonight my wife and I are going to dinner with a divorce client and his new wife who are celebrating their second anniversary.

Divorce is awful, but it is also survivable. It is just one of those "personal growth experiences" that life throws at you to make you stronger.

Here are a few tips by South Carolina lawyer Ben Stevens for Dating After Divorce.

How to Get a Divorce

Only the court can give you a divorce. The first step in a divorce proceeding is the preparation and filing of a Complaint. The legal document that starts the proceeding is entitled "Complaint for Absolute Divorce". The Complaint states the grounds for divorce and the vital statistics of the parties and the marriage.

It also covers certain technical matters and asks the court for anything you might want. If you and your spouse cannot agree on something (support, custody, visitation, property division, attorney's fees, court costs) then you must ask the court for it in the petition or the court cannot give it to you. If the list seems long, or if it includes more than you want, think of it as a wish list.

If the wording seems strange, remember that it is a formal legal document and much of the wording is required by law. Here is a Maryland Complaint for Absolute Divorce in PDF format.

Divorce Quote for the Day

"Don't get mad – get everything."

-- Ivana Trump

Fight with Your Spouse and Live Longer

Scientists have discovered a new way to live longer. Fight with your spouse.

Ernest Harburg, a professor at the University of Michigan, and his colleagues, studied 192 married couples over a period of 17 years.

The statistics showed that spouses who were able to express their anger lived longer than those who bottled it up.

The article.

A contrary view.

Monty Python’s “The Argument Clinic”